Harry Potter and the Thing that Sounds like Azkaban

This is my favourite one so far.

Prisoner of Azkaban is directed by Alfonso Cuarón and I have loved every film of his I've seen. This is the man who directed Children of Men and Y tu mamá también. Everything about the wizarding world is more magical and otherworldly. There are classes that are in the film just to show what Hogwarts classes are like (and to build up the threat of Harry being stalked by Comissioner Gordon Sirius) rather than teaching Chekhov's spells (which I suppose technically comes under the category of Chekhov's Lecture). The Knight Bus sequence alone was stranger than anything in the previous two movies in which, I'll remind you, Harry fought a giant snake! The quidditch matches look more real as opposed to having bendy dolls on brooms (although that could just be down to CG advances).

Some random points:

• Dumbledore is doing well after his facelift. (Actually I should mention how brilliant Michael Gambon is. There's no Richard Harris impersonation here. Where Harris was quiet Gambon is far more brash and comedic. And I love it)
• Ron is still the Butt Monkey but Draco and Harry give him a run for his money this time.
• Drinking game ideas: When it's hinted that (Spoiler Warning) Lupin is a werewolf or hinted that Hermione has been (Another Spoiler Warning [although everyone who cares knows it now]) time travelling.
• As if Hogwarts wasn't dangerous enough before now there are ghouls who eat your soul running around outside the grounds. Good thing all the parents signed the waiver.
  

Have I mentioned that Alan Rickman is fantastic. I should say it again. He is fantastic. Not only when Snape is finally teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts (and practically daring the students to uncover Lupin's secret) but in his confrontation with Mooney, Wormtail and Doctor Smith Padfoot at the end. I can't stress this enough, Alan Rickman is fascinating in every scene he's in.

Harry Potter and the Snake in the Drains

We watched Chamber of Secrets. Yay!


Here are some random thoughts based on us watching that selfsame movie.

• Harry Potter is not able to lie. At all.
• Ron lost his cockney accent, possibly in a game of wizard chess.
• Apparently Dumbledore watches Harry while he sleeps.
• Dobby says Hogwarts is more dangerous than usual. That can't be good. Dumbledore heard of health & safety but thought it was one of those indie bands.
• Drinking game idea: Every time someone says Harry Potter. Also any time Harry is compared to his father or is told he has his mother's eyes. Warning: This may lead to alcohol poisoning.
• Dumbledore sure does have a lot of contingency plans. I swear he's read the books.
• Ron is the movie's official butt monkey, with Malfoy coming a close second.
  
• Not as much Snape action this time but Alan Rickman is still fantastic. Especially when talking to Lockheart.

Penknives and Potter

Yesterday was a day for consumption of media. Also shopping. But that's not much fun to blog about. Well not when you're as tired as I was. All this is beside the point.

Ciaran recently bought a MacGyver box-set. The complete series. One hundred and thirty nine episodes and two made-for-TV movies. And it's fantastic.
We watched the first disc, which, incidentally, has a picture of duct tape on it, and it's amazing. MacGyver defuses a bomb in the first five minutes of the pilot, with a paper-clip. He rescued a horse from it's captors via a helicopter with a sky hook. He makes tear gas out of alcohol and ashes. He has 101 uses for a map. And he took part in a chase that had no resemblance at all to The Italian Job.

It was the best thing I watched all day and don't forget that yesterday Rupert Murdoch got hit in the face with a pie.

And then later we watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. We in this case was Ciaran, Aoife, Eoin, Rog and myself. Seen as the last movie is out we decided to watch them all in order before seeing number seven part 2. Among the things we observed were:

• Everyone is so young. Look at those tiny kids!
  
• Drinking game idea: Every time Hagrid says "I shouldn't have told you that."
• Damn that movie is long. Two hours and twenty seven minutes.
• The CG people on broomsticks are more bendy than Stretch Armstrong.
• Malfoy has every right to be pissed off at the end of the movie. Dumbledore just pulls points out of nowhere at the last banquet. Joe Dunn sums that up here.
• Aoife thinks Hogwart's is so dangerous because it's a method of wizard population control.

Alan Rickman enjoys every scene he's in. Every scene.
Look at that grin. Pure Joy.

Next time: The Chamber of Secrets

Google Verb

Based on an old vlogbrothers video and in lieu of actual content I will Google my name and a verb and comment on the results. One of these days actual content may happen. Stay tuned.
Also hover your mouse on the links. I'm trying something.

Alan needs ... a new pair of shorts. ^[1]
I can't really agree with Google here. I rarely wear shorts ^[2] and the pair I have are in good condition. I think I win this one. Even though it's not a competition.

Alan looks like ... someone who skinned some guy and is wearing the face
I think I'll let this one stand on its own.

Alan says ... in The Hangover
Google, this is not a complete sentence. Naughty Google.
The top result is "Every line Alan says in The Hangover". Now I haven't seen it but seen as we share a name he must be really cool and inspirational and witty to have people searching the internet for his every word.
What's that? He's Zach Galifianakis's character.
And in the third one he's in a mental home.
Great.

Alan wants ... to be a rockstar
This is a video of a Claymation Tyrannosaurus named Alan singing to Nickleback's song Rockstar.
He seems quite passionate about it. Too bad he can't play guitar with those tiny arms. That really puts a damper on his career.^[3] Also putting a damper on his career; extinction.

Alan does ... n't understand her
First line of a song called Chocolate Girl by Deacon Blue (who I remember for this). The titular Alan sounds like a jerk.^[4]

Alan hates ... Stevia Soda
Alan is quite passionate on this topic but doesn't offer much in the way of constructive criticism. At least it's not killing him like Splenda is.

Alan asks ... Monica out to dinner
A clip recorded on VHS of US soap General Hospital. I was kind of hoping for something better here. I can't even tell which one is Alan. Well not from the audio anyway. The description for the video goes into so much detail about the plot that I'm pretty sure what's going on.
The best part?

"They discuss Tiffany, who was poisoned by evil Faison with deadly virus. Faison uses virus to control Tiffany's husband, Sean Donely, by giving Sean monthly antidote for Tiffany."

I now have a replacement for my Coronation Street addiction. Even at his worst Richard never gave Ashley monthly antidotes for the crowbar he poisoned^[5] Maxine with.

Alan likes ... movies
Well I say movies but the only one he posted about is Inglourious Basterds. It got three out of fours stars. I hope he updates more. I hate it when people don't update their blog.^[6]

Alan eats ... fruity pebbles
And without milk. Because of his lactose intolerance. Personally I would have opted for a non-cereal-type foodstuff. Sooooo dry.

Alan wears ... school uniform^[7]
Another clip from a soap. This time from Home and Away. And while the clip is more interesting than "Alan asks Monica out to dinner" it doesn't top bending someone to your will via the distribution of doses of antidote.

Alan was arrested for ... selling drugs and sentenced to 15 years to-life in a maximum-security prison.
Luckily for Alan Gompers his arrest led to a spiritual awakening and a change of life.

Here however someone else was playing the same game and hit paydirt.

Alan was arrested for killing Hobos. Since no one cares about Hobos, they gave him 30 days probation and sent him on his way.

Alan was arrested for being unlawfully in an enclosed yard.

Alan was arrested for having a joint

Alan was arrested for kicking a German staff car and only released after he convinced the Gestapo that he was English.

I was unlawfully enclosed in a yard once. I say yard. It was a bathroom. And I say unlawfully but it was more like the lock broke.

Alan loves ... girls.
More accurately alanlovesgirls.com. Unfortunately the website is down. Alan may have loved girls but not enough to keep up payments on the domain name that professed it.

What a pity this has ended on a sad note. I need a little something to cheer me up. I'm thinking more General Hospital plot summaries.

One of these storylines involved the culmination of the feud between the Spencer and Cassadine families, a storyline which had begun in 1981 when Luke and Laura infamously defeated Mikkos Cassadine's weather machine and had been revived in 1996. The storyline (dubbed as 'Endgame'), called for Mikkos's widow, Helena to revive her dead son Stavros (who had been frozen through the use of cryogenics, and threaten the Spencers and the rest of Port Charles with a bio-toxin.

If this plot appeared anywhere outside a comic no one would believe it.
I have a new favourite show.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[1] Technically the first result was a Facebook page for Alan Needs but where's the humour there?
[2] Because my legs are an unholy shade of pale. And pretty hairy.
[3] But apparently not his ability to upload Youtube videos.
[4] Also a tit. Ha ha. Wordplay.
[5] Poisoned. Hit repeatedly over the head with. They're pretty much the same thing.
[6] *sound of crickets chirping*
[7] Not counting the phone listings for twelve different Alan Wears. Silly Google. That's a noun, not a verb.

In which pressing questions are answered

It's becoming clear to me that I have a tone I like to have for these blog posts. Levity. I've been trying to write a slightly more serious post (not too serious, it's about Doctor Who) and failing for about a month. So lets go for some fun instead by answering random questions. Yay!

What curse word do you use the most?
Feck. I'm not big on swearing because it ruins my good natured facade totally real persona.

Do you own an iPod?
Yes. It's an iPod touch and it's called Ziggy; partly because of Bowie and my favourite Guitar Hero song, mostly because of Quantum Leap.

Who on your MySpace "Top 8" do you talk to the most?
I remember MySpace. I had like five friends on it because everyone (myself included) was on Bebo (now a barren post apocalyptic wasteland where the survivors escaped to the promised land of the Book of Faces). Anyway of those five I'm currently living with one of them so lets go with Ciarán. He'll be thrilled.

What time is your alarm clock set for?
5 a.m.This is hilarious to anyone who knows me, I'm sure. It's not switched on and the reason it's set that early was so I could catch a flight. Four weeks ago. I'm lazy.

What colour is your room?
White. Boring, plain old white. My last room was an awesome lilac colour that Dulux called Ceol. Because music is purple.

Flip flops or sneakers?
Runners. Flip flops are a no-no for me due to the way I walk meaning I always get wacked in the heel. Then the flip flop fecks off.

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?
Be in the picture. At one point I doubted I was in Athboy Macra at all because I was never in pictures. Or maybe I'm invisible.

What was the last movie you watched?
Cinema: Kung Fu Panda 2
At home: Literally just finished watching Thunderball. Sooooo many underwater scenes. Also I'm pretty sure they killed a shark.

Do any of your friends have children?
A few. I'm not at that point in life where all my friends are having babies. Unless they're secret babies. I'm pretty sure Paddy has a secret baby hidden somewhere.

Has anyone ever called you lazy?
I did. Six questions ago. Keep up.

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster?
I'm pretty capable of falling asleep on my own. Also I can't swallow tablets so that would likely just keep me awake longer.

What CD is currently in your CD player?
None. It's 2011. MP3's are where it's at. Stupid decade old survey.

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
I'd let regular and chocolate duke it out while strawberry milk and I abscond to have secret babies.

Has anyone told you a secret this week?
No. But there's still time. Hurry, people. A new week is nearly upon us.

Have you ever given someone a hickey?
A gentleman never tells. Which is a way of saying no, or so I'm told.

Who was the last person to call you?
Sandy Gallagher. She asked if she could borrow a cup of Playstation controller. I graciously allowed this. Took ages to find a cup it fit in.

Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Sure they do. Whenever I'm not around people say "Where's Alan?" and talk about how awesome I am.

Did you watch cartoons as a child?
Not much.
I watched Batman, Spider-man, Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures, Doug, Freakazoid, The Raccoons, X-Men, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, Hulk, Batman Beyond, Count Duckula, Captain Planet, The Flintstones, Wacky Races, Scooby Doo, Popeye, Casper, Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers, Tale Spin, Duck Tales, The Simpsons, Earthworm Jim, Dexter's Laboratory, Power Puff Girls, Freakazoid, Garfield, Aladdin, Dumb & Dumber, Two Stupid Dogs, Bananaman, Gargoyles, Biker Mice from Mars, Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, Cadillacs & Dinosaurs, The Real Ghostbusters, The Tick, Sharky & George, Rugrats, Hey Arnold, I.M. Weasel, James Bond Jnr., Inspector Gadget, The Mask, Mr Men, Phantom 2040, Reboot, Pink Panther and Rocko's Modern Life.
But not all at once.

How many siblings do you have?
Two. One of each, both younger. Although my sister has just gallivanted off to England so under Macra rules she's M.I.A.

Are you shy around the opposite sex?
Not especially.

What movie do you know every line to?
None, really, not one. I don't watch my favourite movies often enough to know them word for word. Maybe I should fix this. Fetch my Scott Pilgrim vs. The World DVD.

Do you own any band t-shirts?
Two. Both Muse. I bought a pretty cool purple Coldplay one but it turned out to be a ladies size so Sarah has it now. It accentuated bits I haven't got.
A better question would be do I own any nerdy t-shirts? Or even better, do I own any regular t-shirts?

What is your favourite salad dressing?
Caesar. I looove Caesar salad. Especially with Cajun chicken. I've only ever had one bad Caesar salad and that place wasn't good for much food anyway. It wasn't the salad's fault. I blame the chef. Too fond of the dressing if you get my drift.

Do you read for fun?
Always. Reading is always fun. I can't remember a time where I couldn't read. It borders on obsession. Signs, cereal boxes, pamphlets, t-shirts, instruction manuals. All must be read.

Do you cry a lot?
I do get teary eyed at the end of movies. Because I'm a wuss.

Who was the last person to text message you?
Last person was Anna. She wanted me to cover her shift. I assume someone else did or else I'm in trouble.

Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
Laptop. It's called Hex for reasons far nerdier than Ziggy. And that's pretty nerdy as it is.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I hate needles. Hate. Both those things involve needles. I think you can make the connection.

What is the weather like?
Slightly overcast, no wind to speak of. But enough idle chit chat. More questions.

Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
Are they a nice person? If so, yes.

Is sex before marriage wrong?
I don't think so. Whatever two consenting adults get up to behind closed doors etc. etc.

When was the last time you slept on the floor?
Few days ago. What are you, my mum? Is that what all the questions are about?

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
Eight. But I can get by on less with lots of coffee.

Are you in love or lust?
Neither right now. Sadface.

Are your days full and fast-paced?
Not at all. They're quite laid back right now.

Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages?
Very rarely. I'm not a weight watching guy. Far too skinny for it.

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
25. I'll have to do something special for it.

Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
Quite picky but I don't often point it out. Right now Sarah is calling shenanigans. Which shows what she knows.

Have you ever been to Six Flags?
I've barely explored this continent let alone America.

Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex?
The same, I think. I don't really judge that. I usually either keep quiet or ramble about nonsense to everyone.

Do you like cottage cheese?
I wouldn't go out of my way to have it, but I wouldn't burn it at the stake either. I'd prefer cream cheese. Or rice pudding. With strawberry milk.

Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back?
Side and back. Especially my right side. I've got a pain in my shoulder from it.

Have you ever bid for something on eBay?
A few things. A game for Eoin's Santa present one year (that turned out to only work in America), some Guitar Hero controllers that weren't incredibly sturdy and a present for Sarah that the owner couldn't ship to Ireland. Maybe I'll be luckier next time.

Do you enjoy giving hugs?
Damn right I do. What's not to like about hugs?

What song did you last sing out loud?
Ashes to Ashes by David Bowie. Because it's awesome and because I'm working my way through the Ashes to Ashes box set right now.

What is your favourite TV show?
Doctor Who. So much. It's the show that can go anywhere, do anything and meet anyone. Except Noddy.

Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with?
Terry Pratchett. He'd have such interesting stories to tell.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Friday, when I went for a mysterious trip involving a suit.

What one thing do you wish you had?
Would it be too vulgar to say money? I'm kinda broke right now. That or some sort of lady friend.

Favorite lyrics?
Judging by the most played songs on my iPod that's either Knights of Cydonia by Muse or Shut Up and Let Me Go by The Ting Tings. I'm going to throw Life on Mars? in there too. It's very purple.

Come back next time when I might have something to say. Who knows?

In which our protagonist faces a turn of events

Over a month ago I received an email from Ciaran. Which is an unusual occurrence as we mostly talk by twitter, facebook, text or (occasionally) face to face like normal human beings. But not email.

The email contained a picture of a unicorn, at night, in the snow and John Cusack's face superimposed over a crescent moon. In short it was awesome.

Awesome!

The email also had a listing for an apartment on daft. It was just down the road and pretty affordable. And Ciaran wanted to get it.

And we did.

He arranged the viewing for the next day, it looked good and we got it. A week and a half later we moved in.

This is something we had been idly discussing for about a year but nothing serious ever came out of it for one reason or another. Until now. Now it had happened because there was nothing to get in our way. It was a runaway train on a collision course with maturity. It was change. And change is scary so I usually avoid it wherever possible.

I see what you did there, Mister Lucas. Preying on my well know love of unicorns and John Cusack movies you lulled me into a false sense of security and lowered the trap. A gilded cage filled with independence and adult responsibility and a Playstation 3. Just know that as I play Assassin's Creed late into the night that the face of my every victim is that of my captor.

On the plus side I finally have a bookcase that fits all my books.

Not pictured: Bottom shelf containing more stuff; money all this must have cost me

Fighting Blank White Space

So I haven't written in forever.

It's my own fault and I won't get into why. (The no whining on the blog policy remains intact. Mostly.)

It's not just the blog. My twitter and facebook have been pretty dormant recently. I set up a tumblr too (Trilbies are cool) but it's also lying fallow. Partly due to limited internet after the move. (I moved. That's a thing. Maybe a post too. No promises.)

And partly due to me.

I've gotten too insular.

That will be remedied.

Eventually.

Actually, here's a thing. Challenge me.

Give me a thing to write about and I'll give it a shot.

Could be fun.